Pouring into Yourself- A Self Reflection

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Approximately a year ago, I applied for a new position and earned it.  I was estatic as it fell completely into what I had been working towards for the last few years.  I was also very excited because I was now a part of a team of instructional technology gurus who I could create and collaborate with.  Our personalities and skillsets varied like ice cream flavors, however, just like rocky road, we seem to work very well with one another.

As the school year progressed, I began to have doubts.  Doubts about my abilitites within my position.  I had many sleepless nights because I didn't think that I was good enough.  I was drowning in my work.  I could not organize my calendar or my thoughts.  I guess we all have times like this (or it could be just me) but I was my own worst enemy.

When my coworkers would ask me questions about things within my realm, I would not have an answer for them or at least one that made sense.  My coworkers would have intelligent conversations on ways to help teachers or staff on various tools and I would freeze up.  I also began to feel that my coworkers were starting to also lose faith in my abilitites by some of our conversations.

As winter blahs set in deep February, I woke up on a Saturday morning to my cup of java and stream of Twitter.  There was a post by  Dr. Tamekia McCauley (@DrTamekia) beaming about the Amplify Educators of Color Conference that she was about to attend.  I immediately replied to her post asking her who the keynote would be.  She immediated responded with Chris Emdin (@ChrisEmdin).  I jumped up and jumped out the door knowing that this was a sold out event.  Determined to get in, I walked inside and immediately saw the sponsor of the event and she allowed me in.
 
The day was the soup for the soul that I needed.  I went to many enlightening sessions on technoogy, race, pedagogy, and was inspired to my core.  To top it all off, the closing session with Chris Emdin uplifted me.  Dr. Emdin spoke "ratchedly eloquent" as he spit bars of pedagogical love to the entire room. 

What touched me the most about Dr. Edmins speech was his converation on preparing himself for his speaking engagements.  Speaking positive thoughts to himself.  Positive affirmations to get him motivated to do the work.  Those words to me were like a tetanus shot to someone who has been bitten.  I needed to hear this speech and it was right on time.

March is here, the ground has thawed and basketball brackets are being busted daily.  As the seasons changed, so did my outlook.  I decided to take a weeks vacation to focus.  I  spent countless hours investing in myself.  I built two websites; one for blogging and one for my brand.  I researched tools and became an expert at them.  I worked for myself and it felt good.

I lost my way, however, I am so happy that I can be transparent with myself and others about it.  I am looking forward to finishing this school year strong, preparing for the next school year, and beyond.

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